Listen like this and they will love you

After food, shelter, protection from predators, and procreation, getting people to like you is one of the primary motivations for humans. Everyone is born with primary needs and the motivation to meet those needs is so strong that we would rather die than experience life with none of our needs met.

The need for Connection is one of the four needs that we must fulfil to survive and the fact is that most humans – if not all – will attempt to fulfil their need for connection by connecting with other people. In a horrific experiment that took place in the last century, babies removed from their mother at birth and left without any human contact actually perished as a result!

The ultimate form of human connection is, of course, love. But in business as in life, most people are happy just to have friends, colleagues, acquaintances, fans, customers, pets, their work and their hobbies to connect with … you get the picture.

The motivation for having these connections is usually, ‘they make us feel good’. Or in the case of an abusive relationship, they make you feel … well, something; usually pain, but at least you’re not being ignored which is worse than feeling something; or anything!

But if people actually like you – and you, them – then what you have is:

A relationship that makes you feel good

And because it works both ways, people who connect by liking one another in business are more likely to profit from that relationship, hence this article.

So, in business, as in life, a very useful skill to have is to be able to connect with people so that they like you.

And so, I’m going to share with you a couple of ways to help make that happen – consistently and on a regular basis. Does that sound good? I hope so.

The two techniques are body language techniques.

The first is a tried and tested way to listen when someone else is speaking to you.

It’s about what to do with your hands.

Watch the attached ‘How to’ video

In the attached video, you’ll see me demonstrate how to ‘appear’ to give the other person your full attention: How to show them that you are listening and interested in what they are saying.

Of course, it’s best if you do actually listen with interest as opposed to faking it! But I’m assuming that you’re not that daft.

The second technique is simple but not always followed. It’s simply to share eye contact with the other person when they are speaking.

You don’t have to stare into their face 100% of the time, 70-80% is deemed to be appropriate. But the big no-no is to let your eyes drift away and around the room, maybe even looking at other people and other things happening around you.

If the person who is speaking to you is sensitive to this, they will definitely think of you as rude and disinterested, which will not make them warm to you in any way.

And that’s it for this article.

And while I say, this stuff is simple, don’t be fooled into thinking that it’s not valuable – especially if you practice it until it becomes a habit. If you are not convinced that you already behave in this way, try it deliberately for a week and see what results you get.

Each of these articles plays a small part in the overall strategy for building powerful, meaningful relationships, but when combined, these techniques will produce in you a magnificent, socially-intelligent behaviour that gets other people warming to you, liking you and growing relationships with you that have longevity, strength and value, both in human terms and in terms of your business, too. And for me, that has always meant growing a profitable relationship.

Be sure to come back next week.


Posted on June 8, 2011, in Get The Results You Want, Have Fun with Your Business, How to ..., Personal Branding, Psychology & Influence, Sky Rocket Your Business, The Business of Show and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 3 Comments.

  1. don’t know why but that was funny! Good, & funny! Cheers QJ

  2. If you can’t laugh, what hope is there?

  3. Now you’re talking my language!! Always good to be reminded of simple things that really work. Remember we all love talking about ourselves as there is nobody more important and you can’t help but warm to somebody who is interested.

    Nice Reminder.

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